I imagine that the inside of this house is just as terrific and opulent as the outside. I imagine rooms with ceilings so high they must be reached with a ladder. I see leather everywhere, fine art all around.

Picture: My view of the red roof house. It doesn’t show up very well here, but it’s massive. I promise

Picture: The red roof house zoomed in.

What if?

For a moment, I think about what my life would be like if that were my house. What would it be like if I were forty years older and, after a lucrative career as an attorney, I bought that house? I imagine waking up, going to the kitchen table, looking across the lake, and seeing the house that I’m currently in.

In that moment, I know that more than anything, I’d wish that I could travel back in time to this exact moment. A moment where I’m surrounded and wrapped in the warm comfort and embrace of loved ones. A moment where my will, my spirit, and my soul are being asked to rise to the most difficult occasion.

I would sit in that red house, having completed my odyssey, having overcome the challenges and pressures which presently weigh on me so heavily, and looking out over the water, I would wish for another challenge, for another occasion to rise to.

Life is just a series of realizations. One realization that I’ve had is that the harder we work to achieve an outcome, the more satisfying the feeling is when the goal is finally reached. And when that goal is finally reached, what we desire is not to relive the feeling of satisfaction that came from the unwrapping of the accomplishment, but rather to return to the very beginning of the journey.

So I sit here, staring at the red roof house, grateful that it’s not mine. With my pen in my hand, my book in front of me, I am grateful for the goals not yet reached, the books not yet written, the speeches not yet given, the friends not yet met, the races not yet run, the life not yet lived, and the grief too great to explain.

I am up to the challenge. I am ready to become something “higher and stronger than a mere bundle of wavering thoughts and fluctuating sensations.”

Locked-in and Locked-Out

How many times have you set a challenge for yourself, and told yourself that you’ll get started tomorrow?

Tomorrow comes, and you make it work. The next day comes and you make it work again. However, at some point the momentum that came with setting your big goal begins to fade, and with it, your discipline does as well.

Now, you’re back where you started. Then, once again, the day comes where you say that you’re going to lock back in and make that change. And the cycle repeats itself.

I’ve gone through this cycle perhaps more than anyone I’ve ever met. I’m always locking in until I lock myself out, and have to start over again.

So as I write this, stating that I am ready to become something more, I’m sure I will fail, and I will have to restate that exact same line to myself and lock back in another time. And I’m okay with that. Those who accomplish great things are not immune from “getting off track”, they are just better at getting back on track faster. This ability, the ability to fall short and rise quickly, this is the surest indicator of one’s future accomplishment.

“In all human affairs there are efforts, and there are results, and the strength of the effort is the measure of the result.”

See you soon!

(All quotes in this piece come from James Allen. I’ve recently committed myself to reading all 19 of his works. His writing has a special place in my heart.)

In that time, I’ve taken about 5,000 practice questions and consumed roughly 350 pages of material related to personal training.

Picture: Just the tests I took yesterday. Lol

Out of everything I’ve learned, there are one thing has stood out to me more than anything else:

“Approximately 50% of individuals who start an aerobic exercise program will stop within the first six months, even though it is well known that in order to obtain the health benefits associated with physical activity, participation must be maintained.”

Now let’s define some terms.

Aerobic exercise is defined as a form of exercise that uses oxygen to produce energy. Basically, it refers to any type of exercise that is moderately intense. Examples include a light jog, brisk walking on a flat surface, walking on an incline, playing pickle ball or a comparable sport, or riding a bicycle at a slow speed. At this intensity, one should be able to maintain a conversation with slight difficulty.

Picture: The world pickleball championships. Will be watching this video as soon as I post this. Lol.

The study cited above is not referring to people attempting to run marathons or engage in extreme training. These individuals are simply trying to exercise at a slow and comfortable pace, yet 50% of them will fail to maintain it.

The question that has been on my mind is WHY?

According to the research, most people cite either a lack of progress toward their goal or not having enough time.

After reading this research and thinking deeply about it, I believe that many people stop after six months because they were not in it for the right reasons to begin with.

When most people think about aerobic training, they think about losing weight and getting into better physical shape.

While these may be valid reasons for some individuals, these goals can also set others up for failure.

Adding aerobic exercise into your life may actually cause you to gain weight.

Picture: A hamster (?) has a license to eat its sweet treat.

License to Eat!

This scenario may sound familiar: You complete a long treadmill session, hike, or workout, and you believe you have “earned” a treat.

This phenomenon is known as the “license to eat”. According to researchers, the average healthy-weight individual overestimates the number of calories they burn by about 300 to 400%.

As a result, someone who begins an aerobic exercise program with the intention of losing weight may end up gaining weight or not losing any weight at all, and eventually they quit.

This brings me to the main point I want to make.

Aerobic exercise should be done to maintain a healthy heart.

Getting 150 minutes of aerobic exercise per week reduces the risk of heart attacks by 20 to 30%.

ONLY ONE IN FIVE ADULTS AND TEENS GET ENOUGH EXERCISE TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY HEART.

This is the real reason why someone should participate in aerobic exercise.

If people understood that simply going on a brisk 20-minute walk each day significantly reduces their risk of dying, and that this was the reason they started exercising, it would not matter if they didn’t lose weight.

The goal of a healthy heart should be the true goal of an aerobic training program. This benefit is not visible to outsiders, but it is the most important benefit one can gain from aerobic exercise.

People quit aerobic exercise programs because they focus on outcome goals, or goals tied to a specific measurable result, such as losing 10 pounds. When it comes to aerobic exercise, the primary goal should be a process goal, meaning a goal tied to completing specific actions rather than achieving a specific outcome.

What I’m really trying to say is that instead of exercising aerobically to lose weight, one should exercise aerobically for the sake of exercising aerobically.

Twenty minutes a day can feel like a lot, but when you break it down into two ten-minute walks, it becomes far more manageable.

Picture: Me suffering through the last mile of the Austin International Half-Marathon. This was not moderate. lol.

HEART INSURANCE> WEIGHT LOSS

People have many preconceived notions about what cardio fitness looks like. We see individuals all over our feeds completing extreme fitness accomplishments, and we think to ourselves, “That couldn’t be me.”

We let that thought stop us from even trying cardio for more than a few minutes a week.

What we fail to realize is the massive health protection that comes from being just slightly healthier. We adopt an all-or-nothing mindset, and unfortunately, when we choose nothing, we greatly increase the odds of leaving those we love behind prematurely.

Picture: Heart disease graphic from New Jersey. Why New Jersey? They had a nice graphic. lol

3 Steps to Stick to an Aerobic Plan:

If I had the opportunity to conduct a study aimed at increasing adherence to the recommended 150 minutes of moderate exercise per week among adults of all ages, it would look like this:

First, participants would create a list of the five people they love most in the world.

Second, participants would make a commitment that they repeat before beginning their aerobic exercise:

“I promise that I will take the precautions necessary to ensure that I do not leave my loved ones behind prematurely due to a preventable heart attack. I will not let my loved ones down. I will complete at least 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity each week.”

Third, participants would create an enjoyment plan:

“To make my aerobic activity enjoyable, I will ____.”

Examples might include listening to a podcast, calling a loved one, listening to music, watching a show or game on a treadmill, walking in a scenic area, or walking with a neighbor, dog, or family member.

I believe that if participants were required to follow these three steps, the failure-to-comply rate would drop from 50% to, at most, 25%.

Can I prove this claim? Not at all. But I hope this article encourages those of you reading to at least get 20 minutes of moderate exercise in each day.

Wish me luck on my exam! I’ll be taking it sometime this week. Once that is behind me, I’m looking forward to spending even more time writing and focusing on my Substack and Instagram.

Think about the following example. Two people face the exact same tragic circumstance, but each of them asks an entirely different set of questions:

Tortured Person:

Why did this happen to me? Am I cursed? What’s wrong with me? Why am I so unlucky?

Tortured but Growing Person:

What lesson is there to be learned in this circumstance? What can I do to make the most of this situation? What spiritual gain can be found in this suffering?

It is clear that these two people, by the nature of the questions they ask themselves, will end up with two completely different mindsets and therefore two completely different outcomes.

Image: why not throw in some Voltaire to keep this article visually stimulating!

Change and questions:

Change, at least from my experience, is often the result of asking the right questions. If you ask someone about their most fond memories, they will experience a change in their physical and mental state. They will think through their memories, recount happy experiences, and oftentimes smile when they finally arrive at their answer.

If you want someone to change, that change will very rarely come from telling them what they need to do.

If someone over consumes alcohol to the point that it is severely damaging to their health or relationships, and you try to tell them they have a problem, they are very likely to rebel and avoid thinking deeply about their behavior. Instead, if you ask someone, “Why do you feel the desire to drink three times a week?” before they can rebel, they must first search within themselves for the answer. In that search, they may end up discovering that they do, in fact, have a drinking problem.

Stop Asking Meaningless Questions:

Questions are our most powerful tools for creating change, yet most of the questions we ask others are hollow and meaningless.

We go to order our coffee and ask the barista, “How are you?” and like an automated voicemail reply, they answer the same thing every time: “I’m doing good. How about yourself?” This little song and dance of the “how are you” question takes place millions of times every day. Imagine a world where, instead of asking pointless questions, we all asked one another questions designed to elicit peace and happiness.

Image: In addition to Voltaire, why not a lil comic on small talk? Illustrated by Thomas Chitty

This line of thinking helped me develop two questions that have dramatically improved the conversations I have with people:

What made you smile the biggest smile today?

And

What is the most beautiful thing you saw today, or can see right now?

These questions are the best way I’ve found to break out of the “how are you” loop and into a conversation that makes me smile and makes the person I’m talking to smile.

When you ask someone what made them smile the biggest smile today, they have to pause and reflect on their day until they find something. Recalling that memory will often make them smile again, and when you hear what made them smile and see them smile, you will probably smile too.

This question is even more powerful with people you interact with regularly. If you ask it often enough, people will eventually begin sharing what made them smile the biggest smile without you even asking!

Of course, some people will write you off as goofy or corny for being known as the “what made you smile the biggest smile today” person. That’s okay.

These people are often so deep in their own depression or life circumstances that they would rather judge someone for wanting to be happy than allow themselves to be happy, even if only for a moment.

Give it a try:

This question has the power to dramatically change the quality of your day-to-day life. Text that friend or family member you’ve been wanting to reach out to but haven’t known what to say to, and simply ask them, “What made you smile the biggest smile today?”

Next time you’re at work and people start engaging in the smallest of small talk, break out the smile question and see what happens. At first, it may feel awkward, but after asking the same person a few times, you’ll find yourself growing closer to them, and you will almost certainly find yourself smiling more.

As for the second question, more on that next week.

See ya Friday!

You’re at work or with your family or friends when you get a feeling to check your phone. You’re not getting a notification, call, or text, but you still want to check your phone for some reason. You turn on your phone and open Instagram, Safari, LinkedIn, or email. You put your phone down and resume whatever it is that you are doing, until you repeat this cycle.

If I asked you to guess how many times you pick up your phone, not because you got a notification, but just because you wanted to check it, how many times do you think that would be?

I’ll share with you that I was horrified to learn that last week, I picked up my phone 86 times per day for no reason other than wanting to turn it on. If we assume that I sleep 8 hours a day, that means over the 16 hours that I am awake, I pick up my phone about 5 times an hour, or roughly every twelve minutes.

Image: My phone pick ups! Note that 86 is actually a decrease for me!

I asked the illustrator of this article, my beautiful girlfriend Schuyler Burke, for her number, and she picks up her phone 83 times per day on average.

THIS IS LUNACY!

One recent study of students in the United States showed that the average college student picks up their phone 113 times per day. Another study of adults in the U.S. showed that the average number of daily pickups is about 80.

Little kids have their favorite toys or blankets, and it wasn’t until I was writing this article that I realized our cell phones have become our digital security blankets. We cling to them just to feel safe.

Learning about pickups, and reflecting on how crazy it is that I pick up my phone every twelve minutes for no reason other than to feel stimulated, I want to propose a challenge:

Image: Illustration done by Schuyler Burke. To check out more of her art click here.

CHECK YOUR THOUGHTS, NOT YOUR PHONE

I’m not even going to get into how much TIME we waste on our devices, and I’m not going to ask you to decrease your screen time.

I am begging you: if you have more than 60 pickups per day, please, please, PLEASE, just “check your thoughts” 3% of the time. This would mean that for every 60 pickups, you would check your thoughts two times.

What do I mean by checking your thoughts?

I’m not going to get wu-wu or climb up on my high horse about the power of meditation and mindfulness. I’m just going to share an insight I learned while reading The Craving Mind by Dr. Judson Brewer, one of the country’s foremost experts on addiction.

In The Craving Mind, Brewer shares an acronym he created to help smokers quit.

Image: RAIN Acronym to help break addiction

This may sound simple, but I’ve used this acronym to help me break several bad habit loops. I’m currently working on applying it to my phone pickups.

Here’s how it works:

Recognition:

I get the feeling that I should check my phone. Most of the time, I just check it and forget that I’m even trying to stop. However, if I can remember, even 3% of the time, to NOT check my phone and instead say to myself, “oh look, I’m wanting to check my phone,” I’m much less likely to give into the feeling. This is the recognition phase.

In experimenting with RAIN, I've realized that it’s almost impossible to recognize before I turn the phone on, however, I can recognize when I turn the phone on but have not yet clicked an app. Although this will still count as a pick up, it will still help me stop the cycle eventually.

Acceptance:

Next comes acceptance: “that’s okay. I’m glad that I’m at least recognizing this.”

Investigation:

After that, I move on to investigating why I want to check it. Why am I doing this? What does my head feel like right now? What am I thinking? The investigation phase is where I check my thoughts instead of checking my phone.

Noting:

Once I’ve checked my thoughts, I note the thoughts that arise: “I guess I’m just bored.”

Each time I check my thoughts instead of my phone, I move closer to breaking the habit loop.

How to Check Your Pick Ups:

To check how many times you pick up your phone on an iPhone, open Settings, tap Screen Time, then select See All Activity. Scroll down to the section labeled Pickups, where you’ll see your daily average and a breakdown by day, as well as which apps you tend to open most after picking up your phone. If Screen Time isn’t turned on yet, you can enable it from the same menu and start tracking your pickups going forward.

Please feel free to share how many times you pick up your phone per day in the comments below. If this article helped you gain awareness around your phone habits, please share it with someone close to you. I’ve found that simply sharing my own pickup numbers already makes me less likely to give in to the habit.

See ya Tuesday!

(for those who are following, I did say see ya Sunday, and it is Monday, not Sunday. I ended up missing my Sunday deadline again. I ran the Austin Half-Marathon yesterday and did not end up finishing this article in time. Let’s see if I can do better next week)

A common theme I’ve noticed in books discussing meditation or emotional regulation is that they suggest the meditator try to imagine and remember a relaxing and beautiful environment that they are comfortable with. Usually, this suggestion is followed by examples of a place near the water, in the woods, or any other beautiful and comfortable place outside.

When I read or listen to a meditation that suggests visualizing a place which reminds me of experiencing peace, the place that first comes to mind is actually this place:

Picture: Me during finals week of my sophomore year. The books on the other side are mine. The time is around 11:30 P.M, and I am writing my paper on Harry Truman.

You may notice that this place is not particularly beautiful; the fluorescent lights do not exactly move someone to feeling in touch with the earth.

This is the political science room at the University of Texas at Arlington. I spent most of my time studying in college in this room, and this is the closest thing to peace that I have found during my 24 years on earth.

While I am grateful for the memories that I have in this room, I’ve come to the realization that I cannot allow this place to be the place that I think of when I try to elicit a calm and serene state while I meditate.

I have big goals in my life. I am my brothers eyes, and I will live a life twice as large so he can see everything! When I go to Columbia, I don’t just want to get by—I want to THRIVE!

To do so, I will need a calm state of mind. I will need to be able to wake up in the morning, pray, and meditate. When the pressure and busy streets of New York become too much, I will need to enter the theatre of my mind and visualize a tranquil and beautiful place.

So, I’m moving to Colorado.

Last week, I visited Castle Rock, Colorado, for the first time. My girlfriend and I stayed with her grandmother. Right across the street from her grandmother’s house, there is a medium-sized hill that takes about 15 minutes to walk up. On top of the hill, there is a plateau overlooking the mountains. An image will do a much better job of explaining the scene:

This plateau has an 8-mile trail loop. While on this loop, not a single car can be heard or city street seen. It is the perfect place for me to run.

Which brings me to my next big announcement (I am not sure who exactly I am announcing this to, but if you’re still reading, thank you so much. I guess I really am just announcing this to myself so that when I finally reach this goal I can look back at this Substack article):

I am going to qualify for the Boston Marathon while running at the New York City Marathon.

To people who do not run, qualifying for the Boston Marathon means nothing at all. Outsiders just assume that runners can run whatever races they are willing to shell out the money for.

For 99% of races, this is true. However, for a few select marathons, you must run a qualifying time to be able to qualify to shell out the money to sign up for the race.

In the United States, the Boston Marathon is the premier marathon, and accordingly, it is the most difficult to qualify for. While the times vary depending on gender and age, for my group, I will need to run a 2:56 marathon, or about 6:43 per mile.

Picture: Me running my most recent half-marathon. I ran a 132:35. This was me giving it my all. If I ran twice the distance just as fast, I would still fall short of qualifying for the Boston Marathon- I have a lot of work to do.

The second most notable marathon in the United States is the New York City Marathon. This race has such a high demand that even if you are willing to shell out the money to compete, you must be selected in a lottery system. That is true for 99% of runners; however, for those who live in New York City, you can qualify for the New York City Marathon by participating in 9 different races in New York. During these races, you don’t have to run a certain time—you just have to show up and complete the races.

So here’s my plan:

Moving to Castle Rock will give me the perfect environment to build my cardio. Training at 6,000 feet of elevation on the most beautiful trail I have ever seen will allow me to heal from my grief and prepare me to run the 9 different races in New York.

When I move to New York City to go to Columbia in 2027/2028, I will run the 9 races to qualify for the New York City Marathon in 2028.

Luckily, in researching this article, I found out that Columbia students have subsidized entries into the race through the Columbia Road Runners Club. I have messaged the president of this organization to learn more.

Picture: The Columbia Road runners. I will be on this team. Just watch!

Regardless:

In November 2028, I will run a 2:56 marathon at the New York City Marathon, which will qualify me to run the Boston Marathon in 2030.

So that’s my 5-year plan.

The training required will be intense. There will be ups and downs, but I know that with a solid year of training in Colorado, I will be able to grow not only in running, but in my meditation practice as well. I am excited to get out of Austin. Everywhere I go in the city, I feel like I am haunted by my brother’s decision. Some fresh mountain air, some time alone running on the trails, and some distance from Austin will surely revitalize and heal my soul.

See ya Sunday!

I first began reading Maltz’s work in June, and on the day that I got the call that my brother had decided to end his life, I was in the middle of reading Maltz’s best seller and magnum opus, Psycho-Cybernetics. Ironically, I had just opened this exact page:

Image: The exact chapter I just started reading when I got a call that my brother ended his life

During my trip to Colorado, I read most of The Magic Power of Self-Image Psychology, the follow up to psycho-cybernetics, and I want to share with you some of the biggest takeaways from this book and how they have helped me live a better life.

Dr. Maltz was not trained as a psychologist; he was actually a plastic surgeon who studied at Columbia. While working as a plastic surgeon, Dr. Maltz stumbled upon a very interesting finding.

Many times, he would conduct plastic surgery on patients and they would experience an incredibly positive outcome. After getting their facial deformities fixed, many patients could live an increased quality of life, living with more confidence, security, and happiness.

Other times, however, Dr. Maltz would conduct a successful operation, fixing the deformities, but the patient would see no change in their behavior or quality of life. Although their deformities had been fixed, they still viewed themselves as ugly and deformed. Observing this pattern play out over and over again, Dr. Maltz came up with his theory of self-image:

Image: I know that including the full quote would be boring, so I made it pink! Lol.

I’ve seen this scenario play out many times, especially with men as it relates to muscle and with women as it relates to fat. Some men will view their self-image as being “small” or “not muscular enough,” then proceed to gain a ton of muscle, but, for some reason, even after years of weightlifting gains, still view themselves as small. Some women will view their self-image as “fat,” lose a bunch of weight, but still believe that they are fat.

Even if you try to reason with these people and point out the literal statistical differences between their current selves and their past selves—either in muscle gained or body fat lost—these people will not believe you or believe the mirrors that shows their change.

Their problem is an internal problem that can only be changed when they begin to believe that they are big or skinny enough. The problem is their self-image.

So what exactly does this mean for us, the average person who just wants to live a fulfilling and healthy life?

It means that even if we make positive changes to our physical selves—the shell which surrounds and encases our soul—we will not experience the benefits of the change unless we change the way that we think about ourselves, or, as Dr. Maltz calls it, our self-image.

On a personal level, reading Dr. Maltz’s work has helped me combat my imposter syndrome. I literally spend most of my week reading or listening to books and writing, and it’s been this way for at least a year and a half, yet, for some reason, I do not really view myself as an author or writer. I’m just like the gym bro who has gone to the gym and gained muscle for years but still believes that they are small.

Image: A picture of a few of my journals that I’ve filled- proof that I am a writer! lol.

So how am I fixing this problem?

Dr. Maltz provides several actionable steps for improving your self-image. Occasionally, someone would stop by his office and request surgery on their face even though it wasn’t deformed. Realizing that the underlying problem was a self-image problem—and that no surgery would be of any use—Dr. Maltz developed strategies to help patients improve their self-image.

Dr. Maltz suggests that we enter the “theatre of our mind,” or, as you and I would probably call it, our imagination. He says that we should sit in a quiet place, calm our mind, and replay in our head all of our successful and happy moments:

“In the theatre of your mind, picture yourself as you truly like yourself. Imagine that you are looking at a motion picture screen, watching a picture of yourself. See yourself, in a problem situation, as you’ve been in your best moments handling that situation… Imagine your feelings if you were to become the kind of person you’d like to be, in terms of your real potentialities.”

Image: I was trying to find a visual for theatre of the mind and found this Ludacris mixtape? Lol.

Essentially, Maltz believes that people feel poorly about themselves because they think poorly of themselves. To fix this, we need to intentionally create time to think of ourselves as positively as possible. We have become so sure that we are bad, fat, or ugly that the only way to change our self-image is to think ourselves out of it.

His explanation makes sense to me. If every day I was forced to go to a movie theatre and watch a movie about myself that went over all of my greatest accomplishments and moments, I’m sure that I would begin to think better about myself. Unfortunately, they haven’t made that movie yet.

Fortunately, we do have the ability to use our imagination to create such a movie.

I know that this may seem “woo-woo” or too good to be true, but there is a reason that Dr. Maltz’s work is popular and revolutionized the self-help genre, as well as the field of self-image psychology. I highly recommend reading his work. I’ve found it incredibly valuable in helping me with my self-image.

I’m beginning to experiment with his ideas on spending time visualizing ourselves at our best, and I will report back in six weeks with the results of my experiment.

See ya Thursday!

**Note to reader:** I apologize for missing Sunday’s post, but I wanted to make sure I got this right before I put it out.

Most of what I read slips through my mind and gets stored somewhere deep inside my subconscious.

Occasionally, something I read sticks with me.

A story that I have found myself often contemplating and retelling is that of Bob Mankoff, as told in Grit by Angela Duckworth.

Bob decided that he wanted to chase his dream of becoming a cartoonist for The New Yorker. He bought a book on how to draw cartoons, taught himself the techniques, and applied them to create 72 cartoons to shop around magazines in New York. He was rejected by every magazine.

In spite of his rejection, Bob kept going. Over the course of three years, Bob was rejected by The New Yorker magazine 2,000 times. Finally, his cartoon was accepted.

Here is the cartoon which finally broke through:

This story has really stuck out to me.

There is something to be said about someone who is willing to dedicate themselves to a craft for years, be rejected thousands of times, and still keep going.

I spend a lot of time listening to podcasts as well, and I was recently reminded of Bob Mankoff’s story when I listened to the most recent episode of the Huberman Lab Podcast with James Clear, author of Atomic Habits. In the episode, James recounts how he published two articles on his blog each week for three years straight before he finally landed a book deal for Atomic Habits, which has now sold over 25 million copies.

Picture: James Clear delivering a lecture on Atomic Habits

All of this is to say that with repeated effort, reaching your goal becomes inevitable.

This is not exactly a new discovery for me. I have never been particularly intelligent or good at anything. I didn’t graduate in the top ten percent of my high school class, and I was never “gifted and talented.” The only natural talent I’ve ever had is the ability to eat a full sleeve of Oreos without practice. Everything else has been a grind.

Including getting into law school. I went from attending UT Arlington, the 222nd ranked university in the country, to being accepted to some of the best law schools in the country, including the University of Pennsylvania, the University of Virginia, and Columbia University. To accomplish this, I had to get a high score on the LSAT, or the law school admissions test.

Picture: Me during my visit to Columbia Law

When I sat down and took the LSAT for the first time, I got a 139, which landed me in the tenth percentile—meaning that 90% of test takers scored higher than me.

So what did I do? Recognizing that I had no natural talent for taking the test, I studied for two years. I took every single practice question that was ever released. That was about 10,000 questions over the course of 94 released exams. Most of the questions I did twice, and many of the questions I did more than three times.

You are allowed to take the official test five times. I finally broke through and got my desired score on my fourth official attempt, scoring a 170, which was equivalent to the 96th percentile- meaning that only 4% of test takers scored higher than me.

Picture: My breakthrough with the LSAT

Deep down, my talent is that, like James and Bob, when I find something that I want, I don’t give up on achieving it.

I started this Substack a few months ago, went into a deep depressive phase with a complete lack of motivation for much of anything, and put this project on pause temporarily. Finally, after surviving the holidays and finding some energy again, I am ready to pick this page back up from where I left it.

I don’t know how long it will take for my writing to gain recognition, but I know that it eventually will. I know that if I keep showing up day after day and continue to work hard, then eventually I will be able to make a living writing about what I read and live.

Until that day, I will keep writing and continue to work hard. Which, for me, means writing at least three pieces a week. James Clear is clearly more talented than I am, so if it took him two articles a week for three years, it may end up taking me three articles a week for six years. It may end up taking me even longer—but I will get there.

And for those of you who have made it all the way to the end, I have some exciting news: my first book will be available in July! I’ve been working with my editor and illustrator, and I’m excited to finally get my first book out.

See ya Sunday!

The LSAT taught me a new way of thinking. This logical method of if-then statements has been incredibly helpful in approaching many different areas of my life, including grief.

I am at an all-time low. Couldn’t be lower, really.

In this moment, I have come to question everything. Most questions remain unanswered, but perhaps the most important one has been answered:

Is faith a logical decision?

For a long time, I thought it was pointless to have faith. The cliché of “have faith” almost automatically made me tune out and disregard whoever it was that was spewing the hope propaganda.

To me, it felt impossible to have faith in a world that is so cruel and so random. Having faith in a world where thousands of people are starving, millions are killed for no particular reason, and countless others suffer in unbearable ways — it seemed illogical.

But now, after the pain that I’ve been through, I’ve realized that faith is a logical decision.

Why is faith a logical decision?

Faith is defined as complete trust or confidence in something, and really it’s the only option. You either have faith that things will get better or that there will be pleasure or stimulus that is positive enough to justify the continued suffering that life presents.

Or you have faith that things will get worse and will never get better.

Or you have complete trust and confidence, or faith, that there is no meaning to anything.

Either way, you have faith in something.

So what makes it logical?

Logic is defined as being justified by reason. When someone says, “have faith,” it is hard to argue that they are not reasonably justified in telling you to have faith.

Where you choose to apply that faith — that’s the sticky and more complicated part.

My brother John had faith; he was confident that his future would not get better. He was so confident that he meticulously planned his suicide with pre-scheduled text messages and notes. It was not a random decision — it was one that he thought through and truly believed in.

So, if you are going to have faith, either that everything is bad, or that everything is random, or that there is a point to the randomness and to the suffering, you might as well decide to have faith in something that will decrease human suffering.

For some, that will be religion; for others, it will be some universal law such as karma.

For me, having faith looks like believing that if I write this book, something good will happen. I choose to believe in an afterlife. Why? Because if I have faith that I will see John again, and that I will get to show him the book that I wrote to honor him, then my life is worth living. This decision to have faith in an afterlife will end up helping others in this life and will help, even if it is just a little bit, decrease human suffering.

Before July 2nd, I would have made fun of someone for having the faith position that I now have. I would have told that person that there is no afterlife and that faith is pointless — both statements which would have been made with complete trust and confidence, or in other words, with faith.

Now, I understand that faith is a logical decision, and I’ve gained a much deeper respect for those who choose to use their faith to help others. Every day I question faith and what it means to have it, but I can no longer say with a straight face that it’s illogical. I look forward to continuing to explore my faith and continuing my writing on the subject.

He left behind a lot: a girlfriend, parents, two brothers, a dog, a college career at UT Austin, friends he had since pre-school, and an immense amount of pain.

He also left behind a few letters, including one for me.

In his letter to me, he stated that he knew I would be successful, and that I should continue to work hard.

So here I am, continuing to work hard.

Success, to me, looks like following my dreams. My dream is to be an author.

Hence, the How to Live project and this blog that you are currently reading.

I decided to go to the internet and ask for support in pursuing my dream of becoming an author, and I got more support than I could ever imagine. Thousands of comments, messages, and dollars have flooded in from around the world to support me on this journey. In the video I made announcing my intention of following my dreams, I wrote that I would document the whole process. This blog is my attempt to keep that promise.

I will be sharing thoughts on pain, interview notes, reflections on grief, and much more. Basically, all the deeper ideas that I cannot convey in an Instagram post will land here.

Why do I want to write the How to Live Project?

Well, I see no other reason to continue my life except to decrease suffering in the world. If I can use my brother’s death to help bring attention and highlight the work of great artists, athletes, workers, thinkers, and people, then his death could end up actually creating a positive change in the world.

How am I going to write the How to live Project?

I have purchased business cards that I am carrying around with me everywhere I go. They look like this:

As I walk through life, I am looking for people who seem like they are really living.

I am asking them questions and taking notes. Eventually, I will be able to compile these notes into a book, but for now, they will make their way onto this blog.

In addition to interviews and writing this blog, I will be reading— a lot.

I’ve always loved to read- I’m a nerd, really.

So I will also be sharing my book notes on this page. What does that look like? I don’t really know. Maybe key highlights, big lessons, maybe reviews or rants? Only time will tell.

I really am unsure where this blog will go and what will end up happening with the book, but I do know this:

Something good will come of this.